I was a big fan of “Dirty Dancing”, had seen the film several times and also bought the book. In the main characters I’ve always seen him and myself. I loved daydreams, and especially this one. So as not to forget it, I decided to write it down as a short story. Now I had found a new passion. Wether I was in my bed, in the bath tube or in the school - everywhere I could dream of him. And I had more and more fun, to write everything down. While doing that, I was intensely living through it in my mind. It was a possibility to live the feelings I couldn’t give him. And in that dimension my love was growing my narratives developed, too. They become more passionate, but also more desperately, depending on the mood I currently was in. Sometimes I just started to write, without knowing how the plot would end.

 

When I was still going to school I always thought up new moments and wrote them down. I was searching you everywhere in my life, was always searching new words for always the same desire. This was my way to let it out. While writing, my dreams were more available than ever, when I closed my eyes I could feel you, you’ve been everywhere around me.
Starting at 13 I went on until I left home after my graduation from high-school. I started an apprenticeship and there I met my later husband. So I finally didn’t miss you any more...

 

The more I’m thinking about you again, the bigger becomes my wish to meet you after all. I just want to know who you really are. Maybe then I could finally come to terms with my old life. I suppose I only blocked it all as yet. When I met my husband my feelings were suddenly transmitted to him. All at once there was someone who was matching my dreams. He even looks a bit like you. Dark hair, clear bright eyes, and his lips have a similar form as yours. Also he is a lifeguard - that impressed me a lot. And there were still more parallels: He had a wife, two children and a house! At the beginning it looked as if I came out of the frying pan into the fire. But when he made clear that he meant business and was looking for separation - then you were suddenly forgotten.

Do you actually think about the fact, that there are girls who are so hopelessly in love with you, that they don’t know what to do with themselves and their feelings? Surely you’ve received millions of love letters and other uncountable proofs of love. Are there other girls writing stories like me? It never had occurred to me that I could send these stories to you, they’ve been only a way for me to handle my feelings. Only my best friend read them all. Would you be interested in them? Would you read something like this? I think I would be frightened if I knew that some unknown person had such fantasies about me. But as a person in the public eye you probably have to live with that. Supposably you don’t ever think about it any way.
It also didn’t take much time until it was clear to me, that your person and the man I loved weren’t the same. But only my mind knew about this fact. And it absolutely didn’t play an important role to the irrational yearning, that was not to separate from your name and your face.

 

At the end of the year 1990 the dancing class for my year began at our school. I was so excited to participate at last.
In these days a German health insurance company was promoting with posters of him, which they spread around everywhere. I already had a few of them, too, and I knew, that there were some of them hanging in the schoolhouse.
One evening before our dancing lesson began, I went with my best friend through the empty corridors of our school to find out, where we would come up against these posters. I had the idea for that when a few days before our class teacher was sending me to the preparation room for bringing some magnets. I found them at once, and when I turned around and wanted to leave, I discovered with a happy shock the picture behind the half closed door. My knees got weak, and I almost had kissed him, but then I remembered that suddenly someone could come around the corner.

 

It’s November and there is storm and rain outside. In the past such nights always where my favorite ones, and I still like them today. These are the right nights for dreaming and writing. When I still have been at school this was my favorite activity, but today I hardly have time for that.
Now I’m trying to clear my past that way.

A few days ago I bought your biography. Maybe this book answers me some questions, or helps me at last to see the things a bit clearer from a distance.
The comments I read before haven’t been very informative. Your critics thought you very presumptuous, but your fans didn’t find fault with you. I won't pass a sentence about it, I’m prejudiced. Your work and your contribution to entertain mankind surely has its eligibility, but today I see your creation rather critically.
Nevertheless there is something inside myself what makes me look at you with high esteem, at least you’ve been probably the most important part of my life at that time, accompanying me on my way to adulthood, and certainly preserved me from some foolery I could have done with a real boyfriend. And you taught me to think positive. Although I had to overcome many deep dark holes, I cried and suffered from my unrealizable longing, but at any time hope was winning.

 

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