Some people believe in the only true love - at least as long they didn’t meet it or until it breaks in two. After two failed marriages you may not belong to them any more. When I was in love with you I didn’t want to believe it. I was afraid I could never ever love like that. Fortunately I was that realistic to trust in the thought that someday a true man would pick me up. Today I have my own theory about it. It was always clear to me that you had only been a vision, a vision with a name and a face, but in the main consisting of my very personal wishes and notions of a perfect partner. When I met my husband then, my vision suddenly got another name and another face and became real. It was an almost seamless transfer of my love from you to him, I didn’t end anything, there was no cut.
Maybe there is the only true love, though it is not a certain man (or woman) but an imprecise imagination, like a pattern. You meet someone who fits in that, or you believe it at last. Maybe you recognize after a while that the pattern pinches here and there, because the imagination and the reality don’t fit together as first thought. So you can chose: throw the one out (maybe he even got lost by himself), or you begin to polish the pattern and work with it until vision and reality are more satisfied with each other. Then the true love found its fulfillment.
You had been my pattern and my husband fits in - with a bit polishing.

 

April, 1992, the Easter vacations had just begun, and I knew that there was a TransAm standing at the yard of the Toyota car dealership in our district town - it was my favorite car. Well, it was not black, neither it had a “scanner”, but however I wanted to have a closer look (I was certain to drive one by myself someday in the future). Quickly my friend and I headed with our bikes for there.
Afterwards we strolled along through the nearby shopping center just for fun. At the posters I got stuck. While I paged through them I hit on one that took my breath away: A portrait of him, black-and-white, huge! Wow! I had to own it at once. Unfortunately I only had one single mark with me - that was not really enough.
Then I remembered my mother, she attended a training course in town and had to drive by every minute. We dashed over the parking lot to wait for her besides the road. We stood there quite fifteen minutes, until the ingenious thought crossed my mind, that she already could be here for shopping. We searched the parking lot and in fact I found our car standing there!
A few minutes later we spotted my mom at the check-out. First she delayed a bit but then she gave me ten mark with the comment to deduct it from my pocket money. I caught the poster and my mom brought it at home for me.
Just arrived at home I dragged the picture up into my room, tore another one off of the wall and hung up the new one. Then I sat down in front of it and looked at him extensively and appreciatively. My friend walked up and down my room, she wanted to go home and I should accompany her a short way. But I only had eyes for him, grinned like a Cheshire cat and stayed put for the next quarter of an hour.
What an action!

 

Wow, I’m weirded out, yesterday while sorting out your posters I found an old calender sheet of you and a line you wrote “Hello, I love you, won’t you tell me your name”.
The first line of the third Doors album “Waiting for the sun”. “Hello, I love you” was the first single released from the album and climbed on number one right after it was published. Do you also know the rest of the album? Are you listening to the Doors?
Jim Morrison - the writer, wonderful music, wonderful poetry. So dark, so mystical, so beautiful.

My eyes have seen you
let them photograph your soul
memorize your alleys on an endless roll

Being 14 or 15 I started listening to the Doors, that was about the same time when my love for you got more and more aching. This music got well together with my mood.

I‘m going but I need a little time
I promise I would drown myself
in mystic heated wine

Some of these songs are soft and quiet, others are loud and benumbing through and through - just like the emotional roller coaster of a teenager being madly in love. Jim’s lyrics inspired me.
And in contrast to your music I still can listen to every Doors album completely and I still find it ingenious. Together with Pink Floyd and Jethro Tull they are part of my all time favorites.

Take the highway to the end of the night
Make a journey to the bright midnight
Realms of bliss, realms of light
Some are born to sweet delight
Some are born to sweet delight
Some are born to the endless night

 

___________________________________________________________

 

Built my world
w/
wishes
&
dreams
&
fantasies
&
visions
&
illusions
of
YOU
hoping them to come true
but YOU are missing
World trembles
into
Emptiness

 

___________________________________________________________

 

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